blast from the past

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December 5, 2012 by shontemarie

For some reason, I was struck with an overwhelming urge to visit my old myspace page earlier today. I expected to take a happy little stroll through nostalgia, but I was actually just really confused and lost as I tried to navigate my way around. I know the whole idea of a myspace revamp is Justin Timberlake’s little baby at the moment, but I really don’t see it happening. (Sorry, JT.)

My initial intent was to peruse through old pictures, and maybe check out old posts of mine. The new format doesn’t let you see the old status updates, which I was sad about, but what I did finally come across was my old blog! I was slightly surprised at the frequency with which I had taken the time to blog back then, but happy that there were so many posts to read now. For some reason I had repressed all memories of these dear diary moments of mine! There are tooons of posts! I must say, I was a little proud of little old me for some of them. I decided to re-post one of them here. As I read it, I had a moment of emotional time travel, where I not only could remember the exact feelings I had when composing it, I also went back to the time it referenced. I felt like I was in some crazy time warp for a minute. This must be what Marty McFly felt like, for sure. ūüėÄ

Please ignore the lack of capitalization (we can call this my e.e. cummings phase) as well as the over-use of ellipses. (Little did I know that one day this would be one of my biggest pet peeves!!) It is a very raw, and from the heart “diary entry” so don’t judge me! ūüôā

Without further ado, here is a post from younger-Shonte:

Nov 16, 2006

“scents of self”

i smelled a scent today that totally took me back like, literally 18 years…which sounds strange if you consider that i’m only 22. but 18 years ago, i was¬†4 years old, and my mom¬†managed the¬†Mrs. Field’s cookies¬†at Bayfair Mall in San Leandro. i know it still isnt making sense (scents…haha it’ll be significant in a minute…)

anyway the smell i whiffed was kinda doughy, with a little bit of ‘soda smell’ and also mall-air mixed in; which i’m sure doesnt mean anything to anyone except me, i cant even really explain what “soda smell” is, other than it only comes from boxes of concentrated soda, like before it mixes with the CO2 and that mall air is a unique smell to certain, but not all, shopping malls, and is more prevalent around the holiday season.
anyway back to the smell i smelled: i dont even know how i smelled it; maybe i didnt really, and it was just my imagination playing tricks on me…but for a split second, i¬†did¬†have that smell in my brain, and it flooded me with memories…i used to go with my mom to work on days i didnt have school, and i would sit in the backroom of the store, with my own little mixing set, eating chocolate chips and creating masterpieces (so i thought) from little ingredients my mom would pass me here and there, and dream of sharing them with the world, imagining the fame and adoration i would recieve the world over for my magnificent recipes. hey, i was a precocious kid…and i wasnt afraid to dream big.

anyway, i started thinking about smell on my way home tonight and the impact it has.(it’s a long drive, ok? the mind tends to wander!)¬†

i mean, like, smell is a huge thing with me and i never realized it! maybe cuz i have a really sensitive sense of it; i dunno. but it affects me on almost a daily basis…like, for instance, i just bought a new air freshener for my car, and i’m totally in love with it. head over heels, googley-eyed infatuated. i inhale so deeply when i’m in there that im afraid i’m gonna damage my windpipes. i want to have little ‘paradise breeze’ babies with it. but i know it is an ill-fated love affair. because something will happen and it will lose it’s magical appeal for me. and then i will have to trudge back to target and scan the shelves searching for something new¬†to spark my senses and start another fantastical illusion.
i know you’re now thinking i am totally off my rocker. nobody puts that much thought into the smell of an air freshener. well, i do. i got in an accident once and i had a strawberry one in the car; i threw it out the next day and haven’t ventured to have another strawberry one since.

And i dont leave my psychosis at car accessories…oh no sirree…i have a bottle of perfume that i had to hide from myself for a long time because the scent of it reminded me of¬†a boy¬†who i once thought was my whole world wrapped up in one glorious package. i would get practically¬†to the verge of tears if i happened to smell it, because it reminded me of something i had lost.

i’m way past those days now, thankfully; of hiding scents from myself, and also of thinking my happiness can be solely dependant on anyone other than myself, but i still get nostalgic for scents, and i’m always on the lookout for new ones!

some random things i enjoy the smell of:

i love love love mens colognes! theres something so…raw about them, maybe even rugged. like not rugged in a chuck norris kinda way, but like in a hot sexy manly way. i guess thats the point. whatever. i like them.

i like the smell of bleach. like if you clean with it, not just sucking it out of the bottle. it makes stuff smell super clean, though. untouched.

new books. go to a bookstore and pick up a hardcover. dont open it yet, just smell the edges of the paper. then fan the pages ever so slightly in front of your face. that is what i imagine heaven smells like. ūüôā

gasoline…i know that one is weird. but ive always liked the smell of gas stations n stuff. i dunno why.

sleeping babies. ok i seriously sound like a psycho. but have you ever picked up a baby when she’s all warm and snuggly, and just like inhale. they smell so sweet, like…new-ness. lol

nighttime in the summer…everyone knows this smell, and if you dont like it you’re crazy. it smells carefree and perfect.

wow i just re-read this and it’s really long and random. well i guess thats what happens when you get to the¬†state of work-induced delirium im currently experiencing. i should sleep now, cuz i have to go back to work in a handful of hours. alrighty then…off to lala land for me…hmm i wonder if you can smell stuff¬†in dreams. ive never thought about it. i guess tonight will be the night i try to find out! haha im a nerd. whatever!

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